Faith in God can be like the stock market. Ever evolving, and going up and down. This is how relationships can be as well, I guess it all connects. What will be seen in these next words are simply part of my journey, and explorations in the faith, and what I am finding in life through accrued wisdom by reading and learning. So I wanted to apply it to life as we know it.
I finished a great book, which some things were helpful, others I have overcome, all in all, it was good. I am a truth seeker. Always have been, always will be. I am even curious about lies, because from those you discover a hidden truth by its' origin. Deep. As a believer in Jesus, I have been zealous. I have been too open minded, I have been mediocre, I have been on many different levels. And it's not over, in my experiencing God! Nor is it for everyone reading this. From some things I discovered about myself in the last few months, I have worked on opening my mind, expanding my understanding, while maintaining my stance, and developing where I stand on different things regarding politics, morality, values, and yes even spirituality.
Lately I have felt as if God is way up high on a cloud, drinking pina coladas, and listening to Bob Marley, Don Ho, and IZ. I know better, and that's just the frustrating aspect, is that my faith has been stronger than it is now. Turning to explore other faiths, they have not been consistent. For example, if Buddhism believes in karma, karma is scary to me, but with Jesus it does not exist, other than the "do to others as you wish to be done to you" teaching. At the same time, I could not, and still cannot understand how suffering should be a part of Christian life, why would God want us to suffer?
Well, I am happy to say that from what I gathered it may not be that He intends for us to suffer, yet in the suffering He gets us out of, so we can be followers... But not in a narcissistic way. The affairs of society and the world which cause suffering, are all done by imperfect human beings. God gave us free will. Yet He will never leave or forsake us.
One thing that is hard, sometimes (I) and many believers TRY to please God, be it whether it's to judge others to feel in good standing with God, or purposefully putting themselves down to be "humble" before others and God, or just feeling like you cannot be good enough for God. I guess I am realizing that all of these things are done subconsciously, known as my iniquities. But it can also purposefully be done. It's just human for us to do that.
Many of this stems from early scars from childhood, and teen years as well. Subliminal messages given to young women and men to live up to a certain image or standard, do certain activities, or be talented in certain hobbies or skills.
What I am finding is that it is all relative. It is all, it's not a game, or about "falling into sin" or making the "wrong" choice. It is, however, fulfillment, happiness, joy, and having a heart for God. It is very interesting how we tend to all have an image of God, I do not believe there is a wrong image of who God is, but I do believe God is a lot different than we can imagine to be.
